Ah yes, the eternal question…do I deserve happiness? The obvious answer is hell, yes! But I have struggled with this question for years, at times questioning whether I even deserved to ask the question. I have been through so much and yet not nearly as much as others. How can I deserve happiness when others suffer so much? Isn’t my suffering miniscule in the face of other suffering? If someone else is suffering more than I am then I must be selfish and bad to want for my own happiness. Furthermore, I am a good actor. I appear capable, confident, and even happy. I played this charade for most of my adult life while inside have felt as though the very fibers of my soul are being shredded into to an undefinable mess. I have made decisions in my life based on what other people have perceived as the “right” choice. I have felt like an elephant trying to squeeze into a fish tank. I have been constantly uncomfortable and in pain. As I have gotten older though, it seems I can no longer fake it. The glass shatters. I need to get out and be free. I am two years away from 40. I am determined to do whatever I have to do to be happy.